Confessions of a Great Pretender

You will certainly ask me why I considered myself as “a Great Pretender” and here’s the reason, or should I say reasons why. Since childhood, I wanted everyone to see who I really am by just looking at me. I used to be a person with a “what you see is what you get” personality, and I have had proven that. Before, by just looking straight into my eyes you can easily determine the situation I’m in.

That was before. Now, I don’t want anyone to know the real me (that’s for a reason I myself don’t know). Most people know me for being a strong-willed man with a mature mentality superior among those of my age. More than that, most people also look up to me whenever they have problems or difficulties. Yes, I am this man. Yes, I am strong, I am smart, and I am mature. But to tell you honestly, I am also weak, helpless and immature at times.

I don’t want anyone to know what I am going through. Why? It’s because I don’t want them to see me a weakling. I know I’m not. I just can’t show everyone the real me. All of us have problems, and I for one have many of them! Problems that you can’t imagine would come at this young age. I just turned 18 last March, but if you will know all my problems, I’m so sure you too will think why I’m in these at once.

If I were to frankly tell what kind of person I am, well then I am a HYPPOCRITE! I can be considered plastic because I do not show the real me to everyone. But again, I tell you, I am not! It’s just that I’m not comfortable letting everyone know that I am not fine. Before someone will notice any sign of weakness in me, I fix myself and act as if nothing happened. With that I can say that I am also a good actor. For I can make people believe that I am okay when the truth is that I’m actually not!

To tell you honestly, it’s not so easy to act in front of too many people. But even if there are only few of them or even just one, it’s so hard for me to express myself and tell him/her what I am really going through. All my life I’ve been here for all my friends, especially to those who I am very attached with. But after these heroic deeds and remarkable acts, there were only a few moments when I felt that they are here for me too.

Though I am having these in mind, for me once a friend, you’ll always be my friend. It sucks whenever I feel that they are taking me for granted. That hurts, so much! Amidst all these, to all my friends who might read this, I thank God you’ve been a part of my life. You’ll have the best of me as long as you’re my friend.

Now that’s why I have been a Great Pretender. Not to be a hypocrite, but to be able to identify the painful truth among the enticingly beautiful gems. T.T